Why Sex Therapy?

When I mention my interest of sex therapy to people, I often get met with blank stares, awkward laughs, and a lot of questions. Sex is still such a topic that many do not feel comfortable talking about, so partnering that with therapy… well, it is something very confusing for some people, but that is okay. It gives us all a chance to learn and broaden our perspectives. So, why sex therapy?

It is my job as therapist to look at and understand the whole person and this includes the sexual parts. If we as counselors do not address a client’s sexuality, we could contribute to their struggle with it. That is why it is so important to be asked questions that are deeper than, “How is your sex life?”. There is a lot of shame and humility surrounded by conversations of sex, and people are slow to talk about problems that they believe are so individual and unique. However, the Laumann survey (Laumann et al., 1999) discussed that sexual problems, male, and female, are the largest of its kind with 60% of women and 30% of men reporting some type of sexual dysfunction. This helps us understand that though sexual problems can be uncomfortable to talk about, they are something that many people experience.

Many people are raised to not talk about sex. It is a topic that is uncomfortable, not polite, and unknown. People grow up having many questions and then never have a place or person to ask them... well until the internet. However, even with the internet, many people are learning what sex is through invalid sources such as sexually explicit material or different chat rooms. This leaves many people not fully understanding the education around sex. Part of sex therapy is allowing for a space and for conversation for learning and growth within one’s sexuality and to find the answers to those questions that are “awkward” to ask. Some of these questions may be about anatomy, physiological concerns, birth control, LGBTQ+ community, sexual trauma, statistics, out of control sexual behavior, and so much more. However, the most asked question is almost always, “Am I/is this normal?”. 

What is “normal”, especially when it comes to sex? This world has made people constantly compare themselves to others on social media, in test scores, income, etc. and has taken a lot of the individuality away from people. I am here to tell you that normal is a construct and it does not matter how you have sex or what you do, your normal is going to be too vanilla for someone, or too crazy for another person. Sexuality is a way to express your true self in a way that you have the ultimate decision over and that is something so beautiful.
So why sex therapy? I think sex therapy is just regular vanilla therapy where we, as a collaborative group choose, not to get hung up on sex. Sex should be as mainstream of a topic in a therapy room as talking about anxiety. I chose sex therapy because I think not enough people have and I want to offer a safe and open space with no shaming of any kind and where any person can walk in a feel that they are being seen as their whole self, not just a partial print.

If you are interested in more on this topic/conversation, or are interested in sex therapy as a client, please reach out to me.