As I’ve been working with members of the preteen and adolescent population, one of the more common areas of communication where anxiety presents itself has to do with our cell phones. A perceived disregard of a text message, also called ‘being left on read’, has the ability to take even the healthiest of relationships and cause doubt to sprout up. When looking at Erikson’s Stages of Development, it’s completely understandable why preteens and adolescents fall into this trap because relationships with their peers start to take on a more prominent in their lives. And how are these relationships created and maintained? Their cell phones. Not just through text messages but through TikTok, Instagram, Twitter and the list goes on. When this topic makes it’s way into the room, there are some areas that I like to focus on that may also be beneficial for your child:

The person is probably just busy

• In most cases, people are just caught up in their daily lives and can't answer texts right away. Ask yourself if you actually know their schedule. There could be some time commitments you aren't aware of. After all, chances are that you have also left someone on read without even knowing it for this same reason.

Look for patterns

• Do they usually give you their full attention or do they always leave you on ‘read’? Do you feel like you can reach out to them and talk about a problem? If they’re usually consistent with their responses, great! If they leave you waiting around a lot but eventually get back to you, periods of silence might just be normal for them.

Why does this frustrate me?

• A delayed response gives you a great opportunity to learn more about yourself. First, identify the emotion you’re experiencing and pay attention to how it feels in your body. Then, reflect on why you react this way when you’re left on ‘read’. Finally, describe the connection you feel with the other person right now.

Those cognitive exercises, along with many others not addressed here, have a chance to greatly reduce anxiety associated with texts. If you notice anxious tendencies in your child and would like to discuss this further, please don’t hesitate to either call at (972) 562-5002, Ext. 5, or email at [Please enable JavaScript to view this email address]. Thank you for reading and take care!